My photography story .

I do not consider myself a photographer. I don't have a personal facebook page or a personal website, i think i'm not that good and famous to do that. This is why i don't understand why people that just buy a good camera just feel like they must have their name written on pictures that represents nothing (as lookbook with friends) and when they hit 100 likes on facebook on some of their ''artistic pictures'' they think that is time to create their own page to sadisfied all their fans!

In my opinion...this is not how it should work. I'm okay with people that buy SLR cameras, and i like the fact they try to use them as much as they can. I think that those people, at the same time, connect the idea of a good camera with the hability of a photographer. 

The pictures are the result of both; camera and who's behing the camera. Starting with this idea i approached to the world of photography. 

Everything started when a friend of mine, Ilaria, used to upload really good pictures on Netlog, and since the fact we all wanted to look good on social networks' pictures, we went out once with her to have nice portraits to upload! When i saw her camera i fell in love with it. It was much bigger than my parents one (an average compact camera), I noticed how good the pictures were in terms of quality, everything was looking way better on the screen with that camera. I started dreaming about getting one but that was when i was 14. After two years, in which i used to take macro pictures on every single family trip and than modify them using 'picnick' online, i finally got my Canon 1000D. That was an awesome christmas. I started taking pictures everywhere. I tried to avoid pictures of myself in the mirror holding my camera or pictures of friends of mine while they were in unnatural position, dressed in a better way than the average. 

After one year i decided that i didn't want to keep taking pictures with automatic settings and that's when i started following some lessons made by a photography association (Contrasti). Those 10 evenings helped me a lot in a technical way but also when it came to understand what kind of pictures i like to take.

I worked a couple of time in discos for events, same for big birthdays...but it just does not satisfy me enough. Yesterday i was working in Perugia at an 18bday party. Well the picture i like the most is one of the cake. I can't stand average birthday pictures with people with fake smile on, just standing there hoping for me to catch their best expression. Althought this is the kind of photo i do not like, is the easiest one to gain money, and that's why i accept everytime people ask me to do that. Oh i forget to say, i also took pictures for a football team for a couple of months...and that was sooo boring. 

In any case, i realised what i like to take pictures of when i was doing the things i love the most in the world; travelling. The lovest thing i could do while i'm abroad is to visit some place i've never been before taking pictures with all the kalm of the world, studying what i like the most about that place and than trying to capture it. 

I do love street photography. From the details of the cities, to the compositions of shapes you can find in the organization of a shop, the expression of the faces of subjects i don't know and i never will...eveyrthing looks so perfect and fascinating without being forced, it's all natural. 

This is what i like about photography; find harmony where you can.

I'm going to post below my favourite picture. I took this photo one year ago while i was in summer holiday in Holland, more precisely on Utrecht. I wanted to focus on a bike wheels but i had the luck to capture the exact moment in which every wheels of the street were on the same line. This creates this tunnel of circles that i absolutely love. I'm so proud of this work of mine!

My Flickr; http://www.flickr.com/photos/federicaz/

I have a Canon 1000D
Lenses; 18-55mm (Canon)
70-300mm (Sigma)


I'm going to buy my first tripod on amazon soon, just a cheap one (it's the first) and i'm thinking about a 50mm for portraits or a big flash for when i work at parties

I need another me...but more stable .

All these flowers in the background, this soft music...this all represent what I am half of the time. The other half I'm not that stable with my nerves. It takes just a little thing to drive me crazy (in a bad way). The most recent thing is the fact that on Saturday I have to take pictures during an 18bday party, I'll be payed so it should be great. Well I was actually screaming so loud because a pair of shoes I wanted to wear I took them to repair this afternoon, without thinking about the weekend. Don't get me wrong, I'm not a shopping girl (I sometimes am but not at high level) and is not the fact that I don't have my shoes, it's about the fact I forget  I needed them, I didn't plan everything as I thought. And this just made my unstable. I'm one of those persons that make lists, but my problem is that, although I have an agenda I can't live without, I make thousands lists, I try to plan everything...and when it comes I forget something, in my view of the situation, this is just unacceptable. My mum says I'm cruel with myself, I criticised everything about my body, my attitude etc. And I also do attack everything that's around me. 

I don't know why this happens but when it does I'm scared; I don't know where all this hate come from. Maybe the fact I recently broke up after a long distance relationship of 2 years? (I'll write about it I guess..not quite ready right now) I believe I just need to know that someone is always here for me. Maybe I need that person I recently closed with, or someone that is closer, maybe people I don't know or also friends that always say "I'm here for you, whenever you want"...but they're not actually. They do not invite me over for first, never, I'm always the second choice or the one that "if you want to come yeah sure", is not like they're really inviting me. Basically I feel selfish thinking about this now but the point is that, although I think and I realise that these things are as I see them, or maybe they're not..at the end they are not changing. 

I would like to have another me; someone who knows how I feel and that could give me the right council, who's always ready. 

I just really hope this shit period will be over soon. Maybe I could try talking with someone, like the school-psychologist...but I'm not quite sure; you come in my small town, and we don't have to pay you...doesn't seem logic in my opinion.

I think this blog is helping. To express my problem and explain them to you, ghosts readers, I need to analyse them. And that's what I'm supposed to do when I overreact.

I should always write this to you but, at the same time, remembering it to myself. 

LIFE IS A GAME WE PLAY!

( Picture from the internet )

     

Angry me .

Lots of people deal with panic attack, hunger attack (I got that too ahah), claustrophobic attack. Well my problem are the "anger attack". It's not like I went to the doctor and he told me I often deal with anger because of this this and this reason. I figure it out myself after thinking about the way I've been acting lately. I'm not enjoying my life at all. I'm always constantly anxious for everything but most of all I've been getting angrier and angrier in every situation. I know in this way it doesn't really sound easy to understand but with a couple of examples it shock è easier to understand. When I failed at things I don't get depressed, I become really angry with myself and with any one else. 

Recent example; I failed my driving license theory test. These testes are mainly based on lucky, and as I often say "I have bad luck since when I came to the world". On the 17th February 1995 my mum led me out and that 17th was a Friday! (Bad luck day in Italy). In any case, I was angry when I failed the test, I was angrier when I discovered that just for one mistake in excess I was over, I was even more angry when it came out that when I will have to remake the test there will be new testes with 800 new quizzes. When I opened my Facebook page that day, I saw at least 6 pictures of people I know showing their drive license, that they got in the morning, while I was busy failing mine. In that moment I just couldn't take it and I exploded. 

Today happened that I lost my glasses. This made me angry for the whole day and that's why it also inspired me to take my PC and star writing  here for you, my ghosts reader. When I realized is lost them at home I started searching them and this made me late for school, where I had to sign some papers that say you're late and you can be late for other 3 time until Xmas and stuff like that. When I came back home (I was feeling pretty happy for the 7.5 I got in German) I started searching them again, and I could find them. The contacts I used in the morning were giving me headache so I decided to take them off. As resul I'm angry, with a bit of headache, in my garden, listening to relax music that is not particularly helping me...considering the fact that I busted into tears several times. 

Does anyone have the same problem? How do you deal with your anger attack?

Picture i took in Amsterdam during the Gay Pride Parade 2012 ( on Flickr http://www.flickr.com/photos/federicaz/ )

Hey hey !

I can't believe i finally started writing! I honestly thought i was never going to do this.

Let's start with a presentation (not too full, not a small introductions ;) ).

My name is Federica and as you can tell from it i'm italian. I live in the center of my country, so i'm not any close to big cities (Rome is the closest 2h30 with car) and in my region we don't have sea! yay!

I'm 18 and on the 12nd of September i started my fifth and last year of high school. You may think i had to repeat the year, well no i've never had it's just that school in italy is one year longer! If you're shocked for this well wait to hear this; I don't have a proper weekend because we have always had school on saturday!

My high school focuses on the study of languages and that's why at the end of my 5 years i'm supposed to be talking in a good way english, french, german and italian ofc. I tried myself to leanr dutch and spanish but..yeah i was not that constant with the study, but i think that, at least for spanish, i could have make it.

For this interest i have in language i'm also a travels lover! I like travelling more than anything else and i think that to leave in Europe is the best thing that ever happened to me because i can fly everywhere and see a thousand things without even being on the other side of the globe. I've also been there..in Australia i mean. Last summer i went there and it was amazing. The things that i like the most about travelling, except for the new places to see and the new faces of people, are the pictures i take. Yes, i like photography, I got a Canon1000D (3 years old..i love that baby!) and every picture i take is a memory and i can't delete any of them (and that's why i finally bought an external memory ahah).  In my future i see myself teaching italian abroad, probably in Germany, and i'll work hard to do this !!

I'm a really talkative person and i think that it may be cool and usefull to write here what happens in my life and what i think about several topics; i said usefull because i think this is just the most perfect way that i have to wreake out all the thoughts i have in my mind .

And today, 11st October, that's where i start my journey! I'm apoligizing in advance for all the grammar mistakes and all the repetition i'll do but remember...i'm just SUPPOSED to be good at english at the end of school ahah kidding, i also want to improve so please, correct me :)

Remember; Life is a game we play! 

                                             My Flickr;  http://www.flickr.com/photos/federicaz/